Who Cares

what Republicans had to whine about today as President Obama signed the health care bill into law. Obviously no one important really cared when Republican congresscritters Mike Pence and Cathy McMorris Rodgers called a press conference to complain, as usual, about the horrors of the health care bill. A bill that passed despite over a year of fomenting lies and fear.

Here's the massive crowd that showed up. I'm sure Fox not-News will report it as eleventy billion people in those empty seats!



photo from the AP

Too funny

Welcome to Glenn Beckistan

Jon Stewart style! I Laughed so hard. beck is such a jackass and deserves daily mockery. This was priceless!

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I Laughed So Hard I Cried

Seriously! You know how you get silly emails and basically just hit delete? Well, I got one today that had me laughing so hard I could barely read it. OMG! So I thought I'd post it here. Yes, I have an ill sense of humor. hehehe



ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . . . . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.S. My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!


Geezez H. flippin' cripes! LMAO! I needed a laugh since I'm STILL waiting for my long distance to be activated today.

Testing

Testing. My patience that is. There are just some days when being so rural is not pleasant. Trying to get services from the so-called township that accompanies my mailing address or dealing with the phone company and satellite services can get beyond irritating.

First thing that happened was my HD Sat receiver for the t.v. died. So I call Dish Network, tell them it's dead and I need a new one. I said I thought it was pretty crappy to pay for this thing when it barely lasted 7 months. So they told me they'd UPS me a new one and I'd have to UPS the dead one back to them. I said "What!!!??? You're kidding." Then they said it would cost me $15 to UPS it back. Well, that was it. I said "NO, I won't pay that and here's why: it barely lasted 7 months and it's 60 miles one way to a UPS office that will accept this size package and the office is will call (meaning not just simply open regular hours)!" So then they said they would pay for the shipping and I had 10 days to return it and then they'd test it to make sure I didn't do anything to cause it to be defective. I laughed and said whatever. I got the thing in a couple days but the UPS man refused to drive down my driveway. He thought he'd get his truck stuck. I asked him why UPS, since they operate up here in the snow bound U.P., doesn't have vehicles to deal with that. I mean, sheesh, my driveway is completely plowed and no one else has gotten stuck at all. Again, whatever. I sent the bad receiver back with my husband to Chicago to be sent back because there is a UPS store close to our home there.

My next contact with Dish was to arrange for moving the HD t.v. satellite and the Wild Blue Satellite up to the new main house. Well, the 1st woman I had to talk with refused to allow me to make this arrangement telling me that my husband was prime on the account. I asked her" Do you not see my name there?" She said he'd have to be on the phone at the time...3-way call... to get this done. I told her we dealt with this account crapola last year with Dish and I am authorized to make these decisions and let me talk to her supervisor. Well, after waiting 25 minutes on hold I hung up. Oh and they also told me I needed to change my address. I said it's going to be moved ON THE SAME PROPERTY, SO THE ADDRESS IS THE SAME!!! They said well then we can't move it because, blah, blah, blah. WTF! I called back, explained the issue to another woman. She got it all arranged (address issue is that same address will be used but will say house 1 on it. I mean come on WTF) and couldn't understand why the other woman said what she did. Again, whatever. So they'll come out to disconnect my Internet and then I have to call them and make arrangements for the move. Now is that a screwed up way to do service or what? TESTING!

So earlier that day I had spent 45 minutes on the phone changing our long distance package for the 2 phone lines here. Paying 12 cents a minute doesn't cut it! We're stuck with ATT here so I opted for the all distance package and then merged our cell phone service billing...since we use ATT for cell and it took $20 a month off the bill I said fine do it. O.K. so the woman says the new long distance service will kick in on March 10th but I needed to call a separate number to disconnect the old service on March 10. So I did that. Later that day I pick up the phone to call my husband and inform him of all these things and WHAM no long distance service. AT ALL! So I call ATT and ask WTF happened? ATT says whoops yes, the order says disconnect on March 10 but someone screwed up so we feel bad...here's a $15 rebate for the 2 days you'll have no LD service. If they had re-connected the old LD service it would have canceled the new service I had spent time arranging that morning! Now how screwed up is that!!?? So until Wednesday I can't call out and no one can even call in long distance. TESTING!!

You know, there are days when I hate technology, the people hired that seem to have no clue and the absolute bullshit excuses some companies make for their screw ups. I swear it's just a massive test on my sanity.

So, that's been the fun of the last few days. It's getting warmer here and the snowmobile cones have been taken off the lake meaning stay the hell off it because we can't guarantee the safety of the ice. But the deer still walk on it and so can we because a snowmobile is a lot heavier than us! It was actually 50 degrees here yesterday. It's supposed to be in the 40's all week. I have to leash the dogs now because I don't want them running on the lake and possibly hit a soft spot.

Well, time to trek up to the main house and start on more cleaning...as if THAT doesn't test me! Here's a calming picture...at least for me!

Making Some Headway

The whole time I've been here I've been preparing the main house. It is a huge job. I have nearly 4000 sq. ft. of 30+ years of stuff to clean out...Oh. My. God. LOL So everyday I walk up the short road from our guest house to the main house and swear there are days I just want to cry. It CAN be overwhelming. There's so much to just throw away but even that's not easy. See, up here in the remote U.P. there is no garbage pickup, no matter the outrageous out-of-state taxes we pay. No, you have to load everything up and drive it to the dump and pay a fee. Pain in the ass to say the least.

There's lots of stuff that's serviceable though. Kitchen tools and pots and pan, glassware and at least 2 full size beds that include headboard, foot board and all good mattresses. There's end tables and a coffee table and a complete dining room set that includes a big hutch, table with 3 leaves, 6 chairs and a matching sideboard. I've asked around town if anyone needs these things they can have them...they just have to come get them. So far, no one has called which amazes me since I know damn well this entire area is not healthy economically. I'm going to wait another week and then call the churches, again, and then goodwill. Problem is Goodwill is 60 miles away. Just unbelievable.

So anyway, I did get the ugly butt 30 year old carpet removed and replaced with a new floor on the main level.


So here's a shot of 1/2 of the living room area with the new floor.


Here's the dining room area (with hutch I want to get rid of)and Bob, the installer from Eagle River Flooring. He did a marvelous job!

Now when I decided on the floor I knew I wanted bird's eye maple but then the decision was real wood or laminate. Well, because we have a lake, sand, dogs, cats, gravel and everything else that gets dragged in from the woods, we decided on laminate. I'll tell you, you just can not tell that this floor is laminate. The improvements in these types of floors has been amazing. It's the most practical. It's easy to clean and lightens up the entire main floor main rooms.

Next came furniture. We needed a new, king sized bed, couch, chairs, area rug and end tables. So off we went to Northwoods Furniture Gallery in Eagle River, WI. They have amazing furniture and the owners are the nicest folks you ever want to meet. So was the salesman that helped us. I will definitely be back there. Oh, their delivery guys were just the best!


The new couch. It's so comfortable!


The 2 new recliners (made in the USA...Indiana) separated by new hickory twig table. The couch has new twig tables on each end also. I just love them. They're not overly kitschy nor are they too large.


The new area rug. I love the colors and it will be easy to clean.

Now the bedroom photo. Since we bought a king size bed we had to order the headboard. It will be here in about 3 weeks. It's pretty darn cool...light wood with pine tree cutouts. At first I thought the bed would take up a lot of space but the master bedroom we have is absolutely HUGE. BTW, that ugly orange lamp will be gone shortly! LOL



So that's part of the main floor almost done. There are 2 more bedrooms, a walk-in closet, 2 baths and a kitchen yet to tackle. There's also the downstairs. If I showed you a photo of what that looks like now you'd die. Probably from laughing to death asking "where the hell did all that STUFF come from and what the hell are you going to do with it!"

Yes, the walkout basement (which is the same size as the main floor, meaning huge) with another huge stone fireplace like upstairs, another table, hutch, chairs and sideboard to get rid of, a laundry room and 60, I mean 60 cabinets filled with STUFF! Arghhhhhh. BTW, these are not small cabinets. They go floor to ceiling (the ceiling is nearly 12 feet high throughout the basement) in 3 rows on 2 walls. Just kill me now! LOL